Tag: Relax

Feeding my kids is killing me slowly

Well that seems a bit harsh, actually.

But really, the struggle is REAL.

In order to maintain Speedy on the medication which does help him focus, we have to hyper-load him with calories and healthy fats.  This is not easy with a child who can’t remember to chew or swallow (or doesn’t want to, I’m not sure) certain foods. I will note here that his doctor is working with us to rule out medical issues.

Luckily, I have a pool of incredibly smarty-smart people at work who I can call upon for ideas. And I’m not just calling that because they read my blog.  They’re really smart.  I highly recommend working closely with behavior specialists.

This morning I tried idea number one: smoothies.  If chewing is an issue that causes daily fights (and OHMYWORD does it ever), then smoothies are an option!  I took the recipe for a peanut butter and banana smoothie (gag) and added the instant breakfast powder along with some almond milk, ice, and yogurt.  Okay, it was nasty.  I added some chocolate syrup in an effort to fix it, and hoped that the “Yay, chocolate shakes for breakfast!” sell would be enough.

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Yeah.

No.

Not so much.

Admittedly, peanut butter and chocolate was a bad idea.  It’s fantastic if you’re talking peanut butter cups, but not so much if you’re talking drinkable breakfast.

Sooooo….. I kind of have a short fuse with this child of mine.  I can’t say why him versus all the others, or maybe my oldest two would tell you that I had it with them too.

This morning’s Big Smoothie Experiment rapidly degraded into a fight, when I took it way  too personally that he didn’t like it.  What is wrong with me?  All I have to do is try different ingredients!

I’ve long suspected that am the boys’ biggest problem, but I also suspect that many parents feel that way.  How do I teach them to navigate this world which is only beginning to understand them while at the same time teaching them not to act entitled?  How do I teach them ALL THE THINGS OMG?
This is what happens in my brain every. single. day.

Tomorrow we’re going to try something else- Speedy’s older brother had some alternate smoothie recommendations, and thank goodness that his cooler head prevails most mornings.  He gave me the opportunity to take a deep breath and recover.

I feel the need to leave you with at least one nugget of wisdom.  My takeaway from all of this was that it’s really truly NOT personal when your kids don’t like a food.  That tomorrow is a new day, and there are approximately 9,485,220 different foods out there waiting to be tried.  All of the world’s problems will NOT be solved by making sure that your child likes each and every one.

My other takeaway is that I really need to just calm the hell down.  Maybe I’ll switch to decaf….

Learning to let go…just a little

This summer was the first time our youngest boy would be attending summer camp.  In previous years, he’d had summer school at his preschool, and continued his work with a speech therapist, an OT, and a PT.  There were two weeks off before summer school and two weeks off at the end before the regular school year resumed.

This year was different, for although he qualified for summer services, they would be half days and I was not sure how meaningful that would be for him.  With great trepidation, I declined the summer services (because we’re taught to protect any and all services as though our lives depended on it) and sent my baby to summer camp.

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The boys on their first day of camp

This was not just any camp, it was a camp specifically for kids with a diagnosis and/or mental health needs or developmental needs.  It’s a small group of kids and a lot of incredibly talented and patient (and well trained!) counselors who would come together every day for six weeks and share in their common experiences.

It was a camp where my kids weren’t the “odd man out”.  They got to be…kids.  They got to feel normal.  They felt supported.
This has not always been the case, and our previous two years at another camp (for Speedy) showed that not every camp is able to handle special needs.

During the last week of camp, they took a special trip to a waterpark.  Two. Hours. Away.
I put my babies on a charter bus and as I drove to work I cried.
The first of my coworkers to ask me how I was doing was met with sobs.  Because apparently I was really not at all prepared for putting a 5 year-old and a 7 year-old on a bus for a two hour drive which would surely result in their total destruction (or so I was convinced).

(Hint: they were fine, really)

I have a tendency to think of all of the possible Worst Case Scenarios when faced with The Great Unknown. I run these scenes in my head regardless of level of absurdity, and I play them all to completion as though they were part of a movie I’d just seen.

Here’s the result of that trip:

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One VERY tired boy

Did I need to worry?  No, of course not.  While it’s true that incidents do happen, it’s also true that the staff at the park and the staff at his camp know what they’re doing.

The lesson in all of this is that I needed to let go a little, if for no other reason than my own sanity.  This is an important and difficult lesson for a control enthusiast such as myself, and I’m still learning.

What does one do when faced with the knowledge that maybe they’re holding on a little too tightly to their children?
Put down the bubble wrap, Susan*. You absolutely cannot protect your children from the entire world.  You need to let them experience the falls and scrapes and the terrifying moments.  You need to arm them with the knowledge that stuff happens, and that they have the ability to face the stuff when it all goes down.
Because here it is, in a nutshell: if you surround them and helicopter them you may be temporarily making yourself feel better (assuming you have not yet realized the extent to which you’re making yourself a wee bit crazy) but YOU ARE NOT HELPING THEM.  Like Speedy says, “Be like Elsa and let it go!”

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Forgive me, I nicked it off Pinterest.

*There is no Susan.  Or if there is, she doesn’t have bubble wrap.